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I Don't Know

I Don't Know

Have you ever met someone who seems to have the an answer to everything?

I have. I find a lot of people* are like this.

Here’s how a typical conversation goes with one of these types*:

The conversation starts with a question. Their answer, right or wrong, is presented with confidence. Not a problem.

Test the waters by asking them something else. Do they confidently blurt out an answer?

Ask them another question, this time about something they seemingly aren’t an expert of. If you get another assertive answer, no matter what the subject is or their experience with it, you might be dealing with the poster child of this blog post.

Keep going and you’ll probably end up with two things: 1) a lot of dubious answers and 2) no unanswered questions. 

How can they know so much? 

Chances are they don’t. Chances are they don’t know when to say “I don’t know.”

Knowledge is power!

I think for whatever reason, people are encouraged to know things. That makes sense. But the side effect is they're indirectly (or even directly) discouraged from not knowing things.

In fact, I can’t think of a time when I’ve ever been encouraged to know less.

The Less You Know
I never saw this message on Saturday morning commercials.

So go out and know everything. That’s the general message beamed into most of our brains. 

But how? And more importantly, what do we do when we don’t know? No one knows (but they won’t admit it 😉). All we know is we’re encouraged to accumulate knowledge.

Since knowledge is power... doesn’t lack of knowledge have to be the opposite? Weakness. Stupidity. If you don’t know the answer, you’re a dumbass? These aren’t my rules. I’m just saying. They’re out there. 

We unintentionally abide by these unwritten rules. We go to great lengths to say anything but “I don’t know”.

Whatever it takes

Some folks* will go so far as to invent their own reality. Rather than admit they don’t know what they’re talking about. If you think about it for a moment, you probably know someone like this.

Have you ever been in a discussion with a person, but when you present a fact that challenges their knowledge, they move the goalposts?

Or maybe they respond by changing the topic.

The longer the disagreement continues, the greater the chance it turns into an argument. Over time, people tend to turn up their volume. Soon things can escalate to yelling and fights.

The higher the stakes get, the harder it is to admit we don’t know something. And people who were unable to be honest at the start will almost certainly do anything to avoid it by the end. 

Who would do such a thing

I don’t think there’s one specific segment of the population most prone to this. I think we’re all susceptible to it at varying degrees.

But I experienced it (and committed these acts myself!) first hand as a manager. I’ve got over 10 years of management experience under my belt so far and while I still have a lot to learn, I’m happy to write about the things I already have.

As an inexperienced manager, I guarantee you I asserted that I knew the answer to most if not all questions I was asked. (And I’m sure I still do it, despite my supposed self-awareness. But hopefully a lot less.)

What changed in me? I think I read about it somewhere. I wish I could remember where.

Then I tried it out. And then everything went ok, and it felt great. So now I believe in it. It’s an idea I think about and actively try to adhere to. 

Knowing what I know now, if I could go back and do it over again, I’d admit to not knowing lots of stuff when I was younger. Who knows where I’d be today!

Because in practice, I’ve come to understand the benefits of knowing that I don’t know. 

Why bother

First of all, if you're really asking that, I doubt you made it this far. But let’s assume you’re asking.

Second, I think it demonstrates wisdom. Because it takes a wise person to betray their natural instincts. I don’t have an example about this. 

Third, admitting when you don’t know something is just one way to improve communication and reduce errors

Increase Communication and Reduce Errors

Workplace example:

When a manager asserts something (whether they are right or not), the troops are likely going to factor that into their thinking.

When the manager was right, and knew what they were talking about, there’s no issue.

But what if the manager WAS wrong? Then everyone is set up to fail from the start. The odds of errors go up. Later on, there’ll be some finger pointing and excuses for miscommunication.

All that can be avoided.

Imagine if the manager had said they didn't know from the outset. Now their assertion is up for discussion instead of taken as a given. The wrong assertion has been avoided.

Now the right answer has a chance to emerge. Someone with more expertise can weigh in, people can research it, the group can discuss, etc. Lots of solutions open up.

All because the manager was wise enough to admit they don’t know. And it cost them nothing.

I think honest mistakes like these are the major source of disorder in most workplaces. Managers (most of them) aren’t evil. They think they’re doing the right thing. But subtle missteps like this can shoot a team in their feet. 

But they’re paying me to know!

Well, I mean, yeah. They wouldn’t pay you if you knew nothing. But do you really think they expect you to know everything?

I’d counter: they’re paying you to know certain things, but not all the things.

In my experience, people who admit they don’t know are regarded as wiser than those who don’t.

That may seem counter-intuitive. It’s not about knowing the most. It’s about knowing a lot, but also knowing that you don’t know.

There’s no doubt in my mind: It’s a skill that is learned and those who learn it will command more compensation than those who don’t.

Not just that, but you’ve got a greater chance to avoid errors and miscommunication. That will translate to stronger teams and better results over time.

Compare that to a team led by a guy who always had the an answer, whether it was the right one or not, and who do you think will yield better results? And the last I checked, results are what matters the most.

Now you know

You’ve probably heard this cliché:

“Know what you don’t know.”


I think I’ll close with my own twist on it:

“Know when you don’t know.“





* If you followed my asterisks throughout, you saw I was being vague with my generalizations of how many people are unable to say “I don’t know”. And while I think it’s a lot of people, I really have no idea. I don’t know!

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